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[Hide] (25.1KB, 1000x500) Reverse Every sunday I get into a mood where I think about my job and I get an immense sense of loathing for it. I make good money and it's not terribly hard but I despise working for someone else. On top of that, I'm a defacto primary income provider for my family at the moment and I doubt I could get another job, so the stress of not wanting to fluff anything up gets to me. I don't care whatsoever for the content of my job and I feel like I do my job entirely out of fear of losing it, which is a poor motivator.
I have a problem with apathy in general and a big problem with procrastination. Since I can work from home, and since I get little and poor quality sleep, what I end up doing is I take naps during the work day and leave work for later, sometimes the evenings but often times just not doing much at all. The most stressful part of my day is the morning standups where I have to basically lie about my progress and it eats at me. I hate feeling like this and I wish I could be self employed, but that's a pipe dream in current year. Take this week for example, there was something I was supposed to have started on thursday, worked most of the day on friday on, and report progress monday morning. Except I slept most of thursday and friday and now I'm taking tomorrow (monday) off sick just so that I can make up the work that I said I was doing. This situation is not sustainable, and on top of that I'm supposed to go on vacation the week after and I don't know if I'll have all my work finished by then, certainly not if I'm sleeping all mornings. Waking up at 7am is a fluffing pooch and a half
I so dearly wish indie game dev was an actual path towards money, because its something I both am capable of and would be able to do mostly on my own. However expecting to make money from indie dev is absurd with how much stuff is coming out now, and I can't just sustain with no job for the years it'd take to make such a game. But I can't work on the game when I'm busy all day being tired and stressed from my job or doing other things. And the worst part is I actually have some connections so that I could get someone to probably do the graphics for my game, and someone to do the music, since I can do neither. But how am I supposed to work on something like that when it'd take all of my freetime up for years? I like having freetime, I don't want to just sacrifice everything I do for that. If it was an actual job that'd be different.
I was considering drawing a little doodle for my mood right now but after attempting a few sketches and not being able to draw a face I just quit out of frustration, apparently not in the mood to draw either, so I had to pull a previous one