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Movie night at >>122860

Remember to support your fellow 'Booleans!
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>What is this?
This is my story that I have been working on, or at least part of it.

>What is it about?
Tithe is a science fantasy story about the conflict between the humans of Ashelm and the Elanian Empire. It follows Arlo, a human, on his journey as a Knight, a powerful warrior gifted with supernatural strength and abilities.
Tithe is a science fantasy story with an emphasis on adventure, military action, fantastical powers and fearsome alien threats. I should also warn that the story contains blood, violence, gore, explicit language, and suggestive themes. Though I assume that won't bother anyone here.

>Is this even anthro related?
Not really, though floof himself has said that he considers nodes anthro so maybe a little. I'll leave that fur you to decide.

>Why share this here?
I saw how posting my works to the foo helped me to improve my drawing skills and it gave me the drive to draw more by meeting new art friends. Now I want to do the same with writing. This is just the prologue fur now. If there is enough interest, I will continue to share new chapters as I finish them. My goal is to release at least one chapter a week, hopefully more if I am able to. You are free and definitely encouraged to share constructive criticism and feedback. This is my first time sharing any of my writings publicly, so I'm sure it'll have plenty of issues to point out. With your help, I can make this story the best it possibly can be. After I've finished and compiled all the feedback, I'll apply it to a finalized, definitive version of the story and hopefully have it published or at least posted fur sale on a site like itch.

Also feel free to discuss the story and ask lore questions if you would like, I'll try to answer any questions as long as they don't spoil anything.

Alright, I'm tired. I stayed up late cause I really wanted to finish this and put it out. Hopefully there isn't any egregious mistakes.

Hope you enjoy!
Replies: >>80321 >>80340
>>91504
I did not make any changes to the prologue. I didn't want to get caught up in fixing things cause then it would take me even longer to put out more chapters
>>91499
Im gonna have to read this over my lunch break later today
>>91499
I just finished reading the new chapter :D I'll leave my thoughts below

I'm pretty sure I remember you saying you were worried that people wouldn't like the new chapter, because it has a very different tone than the prologue, and wow, the tone definitely is very different, lol. I really enjoyed it, I felt like this chapter did a great job illustrating the setting, with the walk in the city, the preacher, those guys who were about to kidnap Arlo, and the node parents. To be honest, I'm more captivated by scenes like the one where the family is at the dinner table than scenes like when Boone was fighting the overseer, (not to say I dislike that scene or anything) I think scenes like those really help make the characters feel more real and interesting. I personally have very big a soft spot fur anything family related as well, so I may just be biased. It took me a minute to realize that the parents were nodes, since the "father" is still reffered to as a "she", I imagine fur people not familiar with nodes, that may be confusing. It kinda reminds me of King Adelaide from Twokinds, and how she's a woman even though they call her a king. I do wonder why those nodes have a human (at least, I'm very sure he's a human) son... I assume that will be answered eventually. I also have a feeling that the daughter from that other house that he is going to meet is going to be Sylva, but please do not confirm or deny this lol. Also Siv is cute, I like her. The node parents were neat too, and very sweet, even if the father is very tough or Arlo.

Apologies fur that being very rambly, I'll just summarize and say I really liked this new chapter! 
Again, I'm not really into writing, so I don't know how to give meaningful critique, sorry lol... I didn't notice any spelling or gramatical errors or anything like that though.
I'll say that I did like this chapter more than the prologue, I found it more interesting and captivating
Replies: >>91576 >>91598
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>>91564
I used the term father even if they are both female so that I don't have to specify which mother I am referring to. Father would apply to the dominant one in a relationship just fur the sake of clarity, but yeah it could definitely be confusing. 
I'm glad you liked it, I had a feeling you might like this one more than the previous since it's less action focused

Also shout out to Jessie fur his cool node and human ocs!
Replies: >>116944
>>91499
Just read I really liked the setting building in this one the capital reminds me of City 17 from half life. Only thing I’d think of is stay on top of gendered language since gender roles are different in the Node society, fur example it took me a while to pick up Arlos parents are lesbians. Also I’d like it if fur every new chapter or even in the doc you included art of new relevant characters just so I know what they look like considering they’re aliens, like fur this one I’d like a photo of Arlo and Siv.
Replies: >>91772
>>91564
From my experience combat/fighting just simply doesn’t translate well into writing, works great fur movies but it’s essentially filler fur writing or sometimes a necessary evil.
Replies: >>91772
I finished the second chapter and I love it. Some things that randomly caught my attention
>She was perfect, better than the last one.
I'd love to know what happened to the previous servant, and why Arlo got a new one. I'm also sad at the ending, it seems like Siv no longer likes Arlo or is perhaps disgusted at how he behaves himself. Made me really sad when they separated. I was also hoping he'd ask fur the servants to tend to her wound too but I'm disappointed he didn't.
>She stood up from her cushion, stretching her limbs. Even under all that fur, her muscles were remarkably well-defined. Certainly, an imposing presence.
I love this and I don't know why. Oh please rev draw the father and mother combo so I can see those beautiful muscles.
Replies: >>91772
>>91499
This was 100% worth the wait. I wonder what happened to the queens doe...
Does Arlo not see himself as a human, but as a node with some freak genetic abomination?

Maybe I missed something somewhere, but I can't figure out where they are chilling at the beginning. Is it a sightseeing tower of somekind? A rooftop?
Replies: >>91772
>>91499
OHHHH ITS TYPESET YES

This will be a joy to read.
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>>91597
I might try drawing some characters fur the draw a thon
>>91598
There will be more combat given the nature of the story but I'm sure I can improve at how I write the fight scenes
>>91606
>Oh please rev draw the father and mother combo
Maybe...
>>91663
>I wonder what happened to the queens doe...
You'll have to wait and see
>Does Arlo not see himself as a human, but as a node with some freak genetic abomination?
He does not know what he is, maybe what you said, or maybe he is just the last of some unknown species?
>Maybe I missed something somewhere, but I can't figure out where they are chilling at the beginning
A communications tower, maybe I didn't make that clear

I will try being quicker to finish the next chapter, I want to keep the momentum up and not get too distracted
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Here's a doodle of Chaji and Ojiri
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I've uploaded the first two chapters to AO3 as well fur those that might find it more convenient 
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/78960146
>>91499
Okay, I've read the new chapter. The compassionate (romantic?) Master-Slave dynamic between Arlo and Siv is relatively novel, I'm interested in seeing what you'll be doing with it. Tonmo was set up adequately well as being a multi-species favela shithole slowly descending into anarchy, I guess it makes sense to showcase the alien faction's civilisation from down below, with this being a work infurmed (as opposed to "inspired" by, but we'll have to wait and see about that.) by Halo - maybe the novels explored in detail what Mere Life was like on High Charity, I haven't read them but I assume you have. This would've been a good time to shed some light on how and when they had discovered/made contact with Humanity if war hasn't started by this point, instead of telling that at the same time as it'll be explained why the war was started, maybe you've got good reason to withhold that fur later.
Spelling and grammar were better this time around, can't remember anything issues with that. I really couldn't stand your use of the 'The capitalised Noun' trope thing, the Queens' palace being a capitalised proper noun doesn't alter the impression of it in any valuable capacity, nor does it say anything insightful about this world that the peacekeeping furce of Elanian society are officially referred to as The Faithful and the unrest suppression division thereof are called The Judicators; idiots would call this 'worldbuilding', but piling on junk trivia with no further meaning is an end in itself, that their civilisation is a sort of theocratic monarchy ruled by God Messiah figures was established far more substantively much earlier in the text. It's inoffensive in low concentrations, but this was everywhere in the new chapter.
A general outline of the final length of this writing project would be helpful. How many chapters will each act have and how many acts will there be in total?
Replies: >>92233
>>92185
>I really couldn't stand your use of the 'The capitalised Noun' trope thing
I agree, in hindsight there was too much. But is the issue solely the use of proper nouns or the terminology itself? Would it be better to refer to judicators as peacekeepers and the ascendancy as the Elanian council?
> How many chapters will each act have and how many acts will there be in total?
There will be five acts with seven chapters each. It will take a while, yes, but I am hoping to have it finished by at least the end of the year. I only took so long with this chapter because I wasn't writing fur awhile, but I am focused now.
Replies: >>92239
>>92233
Both in combination. If these concepts are totally alien to anything in our vocabulary and understanding, or if this is the best way to convey important subtext - whatever, but constant misuse and overuse of this device is one of the worst and most glaring symptoms in contemporary fiction writing once you start noticing it. There are no rules when it comes to these things, but I personally fluffing hate it and can't unsee it in every work of genre-trash.
>There will be five acts with seven chapters each.
The pace seems fine to me, in that case.
I am absolutely in love with this.
CANNOT wait fur chapter 3.
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No new chapter, but a comic. I will probably do more in the future, though with less effurt so it doesn't take so long
Replies: >>94019
>>93919
sesbian lex won or something
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she will defend humanity against the n*des (don't tell her about the wixels)
Replies: >>94178 >>116943
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>>94159
What will she think when she finds out that nyagveri sided with the queens?
Replies: >>94269
>>94178
nyagveri would never do that also cute wixels
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Progress report just to show I'm still working on this, if anyone cares. Hopefully it will be ready this weekend, I need to draw something to go alongside it too
Replies: >>116925 >>117000
>>116924
I was actually wondering if you were still writing this.
Replies: >>116948
>>94159
Averi is an out-of-shape NEET. No way she can hold up a standard-order Starship Troopers assault rifle like that.
>>91576
Natsue, no! You have no idea what goes on in his private island!
>>116925
I was procrastinating + this chapter will be longer than the previous two
>>116924
Looking forward to the drop whenever it's ready :)
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Arlo delves into the depths of the Elanian political nightmare

Sorry for the delay. This one is pretty long, probably too long to be honest. But things can always be trimmed later. As always, any and all constructive criticism and feedback is appreciated.

AO3 link if you prefer that: https://archiveofourown.org/works/78960146/chapters/230810671
>>118145
I’m sorry but which ones arlo agin? Can you post a photo please?
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>>118145
I forgot to mention that I also made some changes to the previous two chapters. If you haven't re read the story recently, I recommend that you do
>>118147
I've purposefully kept his face secretive for now
Replies: >>118149
>>118148
Was he the orphan with that rich family in chapter 2?
Replies: >>118152
>>118149
Yes
>>118145
:av_gem:
This was definitely worth the wait! 
I'm so glad we FINALLY got to see the queens in action! It was so cool seeing their very presence affect everyone supernaturally; that's how you know they're people! I wonder what's gonna happen to Kyuki... is she gonna become their s*x slave or something lol. I feel bad for Siv and Lady Aoto... she didn't deserve to die like that. Interesting that the queens said that they'll engage in "diplomacy" with the humans, considering we know how the prologue went. And I'm pretty sure that the meeb queen was under some sort of mind control. I wonder why Ojiri left Arlo alone to face the council like that? Some mother... the timing of that and that black box thingy she's messing with suggests to me that she's doing something sus. Did she take advantage of the chaos to steal some secret government documents?
Only time will tell... hopefully we'll get the next chapter before GTA VI lol.
Replies: >>118184
>>118183
Oh shit, the word filter fluffed up the meaning of one of the sentences. You can find what I said originally on Ao3
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>>118145
Chapter 1

In the introduction when the Captain muttered "Of course" I can't help but wonder the alien that is mimicking him is telepathic and being ordered to send the Knight away before the attack.
I think there is a error on the line "covered in prayer beards and wax sealed inscriptions" and you meant beads
Error on line "“Stay calm, keep your eyes open, we don’t know-" missing a closing quote.

I enjoyed re-reading it, perhaps in the future revisions, if you plan any, you could give Boone and his men a patrol car they use to reach the forest to locate the missing squad.

Chapter 2

>She was perfect, better than the last one. Even if she has some unusual eccentricities.
this line hits hard...
I really liked the scene of Arlo being rescued, perhaps this video could give inspiration when you go over the story again https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fEKx6rhv8N8
Side note but I noticed that indentation on some sections is wrong

Chapter 3

>Yet she remained persistent. Arlo tapped his forearm.
NOOOOOOOoooooooo... ;w; poor Siv this whole chapter has been rought on her.
>She needed to act fast before the whore ruined everything.
Gek, why doesn't the Regent just kill her?
The part where the Regent questioned Arlo felt really weak compared to the rest of the dialog. Especially the moid part felt really out of place, I think having her simply state "this male can't be serious" would work better. Perhaps earlier in the story emphasize the difference between females and males to better make clear her contempt for men.
I believe that the scene with the Regent was great, I enjoyed it. But I think it could be made better by removing Myra, and the microphone part. It came out at random, and the interaction between them felt forced to move the plot. I think simply having the explosion occur like normal, and having the Regent slowly lose control of the situation would do just as well while also keeping pace with the rest of the story.
>Better to give her some space for now, he thought.
I feel like in times like these is when you annoyingly violate their personal space and offer help, I can only imagine how much Siv is going through right now :(||
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>>118186
I posted before I finished writing

I really like Chapter 3 and it introduced the queens, which I only knew about through your drawings. Finally meeting them and learning of their character is awesome!
Elanus, has fallen.
Replies: >>118304
Siv got giga shafted lel. The Xiah relationship feels way too quick is there something weird going on there? The idea I’m getting is there was purposeful mental manipulation from the queens who want this to happen for some reason. Speaking of them I suppose they don’t like humanity because they’re patriarchal? They ain’t dumb and clearly known what Arlo is and they seem to want something from them instead of simply just genocide. Do they want to force humanity into some sort of caste for whatever reason? I don’t know what all we’re good at compared to everyone else only thing I could think of is maybe a warrior caste as our monkey ancestors gives us better calculation of ballistics and the current warrior caste doesn’t seem to be well liked. Of course Arlo is being used as some sort of example for something and it appears to be pushing just a wholesome relationship between a human and a node?
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>>118145
Exquisite! Not a single miss from you!
I absolutely loved the way scenes are painted and described, how naturally characters are introduced, the snarky banter between the Regent and Myra, Siv as a whole, Arlo's anxiety I felt through the screen was awful in the best way possible. It felt so real!
I'm a big fan of Xiah and her possible future role in Arlo's story. I see great potential.

All in all, Chapter 3 was worth the wait, my love for Tithe is growing with every chapter!
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>>118296
Sivs gonna have attachment issues.
>>118273
>Elanus, has fallen
Billions of meebs must die

I'm busy right now, but I'll try to provide some responses later. I'm happy to see the positive reception so far
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>>118304
Every node has an abuse meeb.
Replies: >>118329 >>118356
>>118311
>Dilbert goes to therapy
>>118311
why do you keep on changing your flag?
Replies: >>118359
>>118356
Flag:Random Flag
I just realized there are only three official publications here and each of them is cumulative & revises the previous ones. I could've just downloaded >>118145 from the start. Hopefully I didn't miss anything terribly important by reading the prologue from >>80222, then chapter 1 from >>91499, and now chapter 2 from >>118145.
Replies: >>121259 >>121315
>>121246
I would just check the story on AO3 tbh
and yes, the previous chapters were revised so you should read the latest pdf
Replies: >>121262
>>121259
Why? Is there AO3 exclusive content?
Replies: >>121307
>>121262
The stuff ITT is earlier drafts.
>>121246
You'd have a more enjoyable reading experience, but you shouldn't be missing out on any critical details, only improvements to the writing and added little details
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